DESPITE what people say, I think it’s pretty accurate to say that nobody wants to be nameless, and that many of us, if not each of us (on some scale or another) want to be famous. But lately, it seems that there’s a contagion breaking out across the globe that is creating a new age group of infamous fame seekers whose shenanigans I think are less likely to lead them in style down the RED CARPET but more than likely to the Yellow Brick Road of Buffoon Land. This being said, I thought it might be entertaining to use this blog to create J’Da Prynce’s Top 5 To Do List if you want to join the Infamous Bunch of 2014. Ready? Here we go!
1. CONDUCT AN INTERVIEW ON NATIONAL NEWS while looking and sounding like this: Yes, ladies and gentleman; if you want to be infamous in 2014, just be one of the first people to arrive at the scene of some newsworthy event. Make sure you have your hair rollers, scarf, chewing gum and most importantly, bad grammar. That’s all you need, and some genius producer will remix your words to a funky track and before you know it, you will be an internet sensation just like these guys. Now, what you do with the few minutes of notoriety is entirely up to you. I think Antoine is actually doing alright for himself, not sure where Kapooyah Woman is.
2. GET A ROLE ON A REALITY T.V. SHOW- Unfortunately, it seems that reality t.v. shows are here to stay, at least temporarily. These very informative, humanitarian, life changing shows grace the television screens of millions of Americans weekly. Watch closely as our Infamous stars get into petty, senseless arguments on the big screen, and then watch even more closely how they make the evening news headlines for things like tax evasion, operating without a license, selling drugs, planning hoaxes and much, much more! Some of these “stars” are soon to have a real reality check, and I’m not talking about the kind you can take to the bank.
3. MAKE AND DISTRIBUTE YOUR SEX TAPE-Even once upon a time famous people use this strategy to try and become famous once upon another time (in other words all over again). So, if you’re having sex, and I know you are, whip out that Iphone 5, galaxy note 2 or whatever phone you’re currently using and make that sex tape. (See Ray Jay’s Instructional video on how to do this if you don’t have a clue). Don’t forget to make sure there’s lots of fake orgasms and name calling. Oh, and it might help to have your mate do something really disgusting like drink pee or eat poop from a cup. “Accidentally” leave it around so your nosey neighbor can pick it up and post it to world star hip hop and before you know it, your ass will be the talk of the town, literally.
4. POST YOUR CRIME VIDEO TO YOUTUBE- Now this one is a true gangsta’s paradise. You ain’t bout that life; is you? Well, if you is, do like the “real gangstas” do and show the world just how G- you are. Choke slam baby pit bull and then post the video on youtube, son! That’s gangsta. Rob the local liquor store with no mask and then tweet it to all your homies! That’s tough, kid. And don’t forget to post your video of you verbally and physically abusing your girlfriend on facebook. Oh, that’s so hard. Do any of these, and your name and face will soon be added to the Hall of Infamous, not to be confused with the Hall of Fame.
5. BE RATCHET- If you want to join the A-listers Hall of Infamous, call Sandasquasha, Pizzalicious, and your girl Condaminiah and ya’ll meet at the mall to go and buy an outfit with the babies’ milk money. Let everybody in the mall know ya’ll got money and ya’ll going out tonight, heeeeey! Be loud. Be very loud! Talk loudly about how long your weave is and how much it cost per bundle, bitch! Don’t forget to sling it from side to side, girl as you step extra hard in your Louis Vuitons. (How you can afford them is another story). Be sure and show off your newest tongue piercing, belly piercing, toe ring, nose piercing and rainbow fingernail polish. Laugh extra loud as to bring attention to the group. Put an extra drawl on your words so you sound as “hood” as possible. Stop in the middle of some random aisle every few seconds (blocking traffic preferably) and take instagram pics. Be really obnoxious to the nice cashier and don’t forget to smile while you’re doing it seeing as how you have been on surveillance camera all this time. And, as you leave the mall, talk really loudly and give your girlfriends (that you really can’t stand) fake hugs goodbye so you can stick your ass out in hopes that you will grab some phyne brother’s attention. Girl Stop! Ya’ll gon’ see each other in less than three hours. Just Ratchet and yes, the video is going viral as you wished. You are now Infamous, not famous sweety, Infamous! Look it Up!